


Escapism

by OllaraBorealis



Category: The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23615143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OllaraBorealis/pseuds/OllaraBorealis
Summary: When Cordelia finds James and Grace in a compromising position in their apartment after a long day of training with Lucie she flees the scene with one desire in mind, to get out. She shows up at Anna Lightwood's flat with the demand of going to the Hell Ruelle that night but is surprised to find Matthew there instead. With neither of them truly knowing the nature of the situation they take her under their wings and off into the night.
Relationships: Cordelia Carstairs/James Herondale, Cordelia Carstairs/Matthew Fairchild
Comments: 14
Kudos: 120





	1. Chapter 1

"I need to get out". Cordelia burst through the doors of Anna's flat in a fury of red and emerald. Her hair had come undone and was now heavy with rain, sticking to the edges of her face. Infact all of Cordelia was soaked through to the bone. She had come through the building like thunder. Likely Anna's neighbors thought nothing of it; just another girl caught up in the storm of Anna's courtship. She rushed across the room and began to pace by the window, dragging in the cold air and rain after her.

"I know it may be too much to ask and I'm not even sure it's a day they're - er - you know holding it but I truly wish to just get out a little bit and oh-." 

Cordelia had stopped pacing and came nose to nose with Matthew Fairchild. He was looking quite startled. Cordelia started.

"I'm sorry I didn't know you were...where is Anna?" She turnned away from Matthew, confused, and scanned the room. 

"She's out on an errand", Matthew said still a bit blown back, "she should be home any time now. Cordelia what's happened?" Matthew stepped up to stand beside her, putting his hand on the crook of her arm. She shuddered and shrugged him off, clearly starting to shut herself away from him. 

"Nothing's happened I just - I just wished to speak with Anna. She called on me for tea and and- oh god I can't lie to you Matthew it's James." A jolt of fear went through Matthew like an icicle, freezing him in place.

"He's not-"

"He's not hurt", she interupts "it's about him and I- no. It's about him and Grace actually". Cordelia takes a distracted seat on the loveseat closest to her. 

"I found him and her in a...compromising position. I was coming home from training with Lucie and I just -". Once again the room is interupted by another presence at the door. Anna Lightwood walked in rather confidently, shaking rain from her hat.

"Matthew I do say it's pouring buckets out there, I feel as if God is crying for London. 'London, my greatest sin'. Matthew do you think- Cordelia?" Anna stopped mid thought as her head raised from removing her boots. Her long black eyelashes were still lightly dusted in rain drops as she blinked lazily from across the room.

"Cordelia my dear I beg your pardon I hadn't realized you were coming by. Though may I say it's not a wholey unwelcome surprise it is a surprise none the less. Would you like some rum cake? The most wonderful debutante dropped it off for me." Anna spoke as if a dripping wet and distressed girl in her flat living room was as common to her as putting on socks for the day, and perhaps Cordelia thought, it might be. She strode across the room loosening her necktie and disappearing into the kitchen.

"No actually, I came to ask a favor of you", Cordelia spoke surprisingly levely for having just worked herself up not moments before Anna walked in.

"Oh?" Anna poked her head out and raised a pointed brow at Cordelia. 

"I'd like to visit the Hell Ruelle". It was stupidity simple statement to say out loud but Cordelia wanted to be clear in her intentions. She cursed herself for saying "visit" she thought it made her sound like a young girl wishing to see an extended relative in the country. But she stepped forward with her chin held high and repeated herself.

"I'd like to go to the Hell Ruelle and I'd like to go now". The directness of Cordelia's request seemed to peak Anna's interest. She emerged from the tiny kitchen with no rum cake and a kitchen rag. She handed the towel to Cordelia and smiled.

"That's quite a request, Matthew?" Matthew, almost completely forgotten, looked up inquisitively at Anna from behind Cordelia, "do you have any plans for the rest of the evening?"

"I was going to go home, get fantastically drunk and see if I could use my new pomade to make Oscar look like a Gibson girl but this sounds like it may be even more entertaining". Matthew replied with devilish intrest. Cordelia began to rummage through her hair for her remaining pins. She plucked them out hastily and started drying her hair with the kitchen towel. 

Anna's eyes grazed over Cordelia's soaked attire, "Forgive me for asking but there isn't some noble alternative reason for this request? You're not seeking some information or making an arrest?"  
Cordelia struggled for a second to come up with a convincing reason as to why she would desire to go to an art salon in the middle of the week out of no where. 

"No, I simply wish to get out of the house. The last two trips I've made with you to the Hell Ruelle I have not fully been able to appreciate the experience." Cordelia shuddered thinking of her last trip and the whispering room... James's hands on the nape of Cordelia's neck and the way he kissed her. James's arms around her petit figure, his hands coming up to run through her silver hair-

"I just need to get out". It's what she had said when she first walked in to Matthew. Anna turned around again, waltzing through the kitchen to her bedroom and rummaged around. Cordelia wasn't sure what she fully meant by the statement herself. Did she simply want the escapsim of sensation or to get out of her emgamemt to James or get out of her own skin completly. 

Anna emerged moments later with a velvet wine colored evening gown with black satin panels adorning the breast and waist. 

"I never let a lady stay in wet clothes long." With a wink Anna wisked her away to her bedroom in a flurry of black and red, closing the door from the outside.

Cordelia layed the dress out on Anna's bed examining it. It was soft with a simple but flattering figure. She ran her hand over the silk and velvet feeling down and then up against the grain. She dressed with haste. Unclear on where to put to wet clothes she folded them up and placed them at the feet of Anna's bed on a large brown trunk. The dress was a little large around the waist and Cordelia took it as a blessing to loosen her corset a bit. Considering the atomosphere of the place she was aiming to attend and her distict lack of pins she decided against pinning her hair all the way up and settled for pinning the front of her hair in a crown around her head. Lastly she reached down and securely sheethed Cortana under her dress in it's back harness.

Cordelia opened the door of the bedroom to find Matthew seated on Anna's counter eating a slice of the afformentioned rum cake. 

"Whoaht?" Matthew responded with a mouthful of cake. Cordelia couldn't help but chuckle and Matthew had to force is eyes away from the sight.

"Beautiful, Cordelia", Anna responded clapping her hands together and giving her a long glance over. "Now if you'll excuse me I think I'll change out of my own wet clothes. Matthew do keep Cordelia entertained while I find the right silk to go with tonight's hat." And with that she shut the door leaving her and Matthew once again alone in her tiny flat kitchen.

"Do you often waltz into into people's flats sopping with rain and demanding light debauchery? Because I think that's the kind of attitude I could get used to around here." Matthew had abandoned his now empty plate to the counter top beside him and was uncapping his metal flask. 

"No this is a new trait of mine, and I'd like to point out that much like books no exciting things happen in the sunshine." Cordelia walked over to the small window over the dining table and thumbed a well groomed bonsai tree sitting in the window sill, another romantic gift from a lady she guessed. "Mr. Darcy didn't confess love in the sunshine, Jo March ran after Professor Bhaer in the pouring rain."

Matthew raised his eyes lazily over the rim of his flask and lowered it. "If I'm not mistaken it was raining when Dorian dumped Basil's body in the river as well." 

"Well", Cordelia quipped back, "one would be hard pressed to find someone who would describe 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' as dull."

A catlike smile crawled across Matthew's lips and up his face crinkling his eyes, "I suppose you're right about that". 

The door to Anna's room opened suddenly and with a flurry of silver and blue pinstripes. "Alright, let's go". She started forward with Matthew hopping down from the counter to follow suit. 

Cordelia caught up quickly as they neared the front door. "So you decided to take me?" 

Anna turned her head slightly to peer over her right shoulder, hand still on the doorknob. "Cordelia I decided the moment I walked in and saw that look in your eyes. Whatever you're battling you need not battle it alone and certainly not in its own domain. Now come on, the night grows darker and I long for a drink more with every passing incessant word out of Matthew's mouth". 

"Hey! I've hardly even said anything!" Matthew interjected good naturedly. 

"Yes Matthew but your thoughts are so loud and obnoxious I feel as if I'm thinking them for the both of us, now do seize those speedy thoughts and help me show Cordelia a good time. She looks as if she needs an escape and who am I to deny someone in such a radient dress a night out". Anna smiled smugly and opened the door.

And with that they were out into the damp cold night.


	2. Chapter 2

The carriage ride was bumpy as all carriage rides seem to be in London. Cordelia pushed the curtain back to glance outside at the passing street. The sky was grey with clouds, much like Cordelia's own thoughts. 

She shivered.

She knows she has no real right to be upset with James, their emgamemt is a sham and he doesn't truly love her, not in the way he loves Grace but it still hurts. She did truly believe him when he had promised to be faithful. A bitter chuckle catches in her throat. But she supposed that to was another thinly veiled sham. 

She was startled out of her thoughts by the feeling of heavy wool settling on her shoulders. She turned to see Matthew fiddiling with the fabric on the upholstery. He looked straight ahead, his expression hidden by the shadows of the evening sun. 

"You seemed cold, you don't have a wrap or anything and it's getting late". 

Anna watched them thoughtfully from her seat. She leaned forward resting her elbows on her spread knees and bringing her hands up to below her chin. 

"Oh I just can't wait to see how this delightful night enfolds". 

\---

Matthew would be boldface lying if he said he wasn't deeply worried. Cordelia was meant to be the grounded, level headed girl of his secret desires, close enough to admire but never venturing too far into his own world. It was easier to bear that way. But here she was, thoughtful and determined not on battle strategy or word play but leisure and temptation. She wanted to see the world he loved and resided in with no alternative motive of mockery or investigation. 

He expected this behavior from James or Lucie, Herondales were always known to throw themselves headlong into riské situations. From Christopher who perhaps had absentmindedly wandered into a world of magic like Alice in Wonderland. Even sooner from Thomas who had a silent appreciation for the mundane art of the world. But yet again Matthew had underestimated Cordelia and her range of emotion and action. Her heart seemed to flutter like a moth near an oil lamp, refusing to be pinned down by the wings. 

But most of all Matthew wanted to help her. He could never help himself and it occured to him that he may be in the unique position to help someone else. Not only help them but guide them into a world he so loved. The thought excited him, walking Cordelia into the Hell Ruelle and introducing her to all his favorite corners and mates. Perhaps maybe she would want more of the world after tonight. He could show her all his favorite haunts of London, a satue garden or even take her to a Mundane theatre to see a production of The Importance of Being Earnest. Matthew cut his thoughts off there. It was not his place to be courting his parabatai's soon to be wife no matter the circumstance of their emgamemt. He was simply here to protect Cordelia from any harm that may come to her tonight as any good upstanding Parabatai would do for their blood brothers partner. This was soley a mission of protection and honor. But even as Matthew absentmindedly reached for his flask and took a glance at Cordelia's face from the corner of his eyes he knew that was a lie. He let his eyes trail breifly over her sharp nose and beautiful dark eyes. 

An interesting night indeed.

\---

The carriage rolled to a stop as the sun was fully dipped into the pool of the night sky. The moon was just starting to emerge from the horizon as they stepped out of the carriage. Matthew went second after Anna and stiffly helped Cordelia down to the stones. The night air was still damp with the whisper of recently shed rain but now a sharp breeze had cut through that musky air freezing it. Cordelia pulled Matthew's jacket around herself tighter. 

They walked inside together. The inside air was thick with sweet and smoke and Cordelia smelled the air greatfully. It was a relaxing break from the stiff smell London air. Anna passed some quick words with the door guard and they sauntered inside gracefully. 

Cordelia was yet again struck with the beauty of such a place. A young fairie man with gold eyelashes and dark skin winked at her and Matthew as he passed by. A young werewolf girl sat perched on the arm of a lush green couch with a flute resting below her red staining lips. As she played the warm air of her breath created disappearing clouds that seeped through the keys. Lily the vampire server saw them come in and swayed over hastily. 

"Reginald has been learning how to juggle all week and we've all made bets on how many different items he can keep in the air." She blew a lock of loose hair out of her face. "I lost a bet to a ifrit with one arm and the largest mustache I've ever seen, I bet you half his gambling salary goes towards beard wax, drinks?" 

She breathlessly holds forward her serving tray of champagne and Cordelia hastily plucks a flute. Matthew expertly fingers two in one hand, handing the second to Anna and going back for a second for himself. 

Anna surveys the room and lands her gaze on a circle of guests standing alterly around a man. Over there heads every couple of seconds seems to fly another blue and white china saucer. The crowd claps and cheers with every plate joining the air. 

"If you'll excuse me Cordelia I must go see what this commotion is all about. Matthew I do trust you'll take complete care of Cordelia while I am away with miss Chen?" 

"I can take perfectly good care of myself", Cordelia cut in quickly, plucking Matthew's jacket from her shoulders. Lily smiled admiringly. 

Anna smiled as well, "Yes of course but Matthew isn't the one who came to my flat drenched in rain demanding debauchery". 

Matthew's eyes glittered over the rim of his champagne flute, "for once". 

With that Anna had turned; sweeping Lily up in her sway and leaving Matthew and Cordelia alone in a room full of motion. 

Matthew deposited his now empty glasses on the nearest side table and took his coat from Cordelia, shrugging it on. Cordelia turned to deposit her empty flute next to Matthew's. When she turned back around Matthew brandished a small tin of white hard candies to her. She hesitantly took one looking at him quizzically. 

"They're french", he answered to her unasked question. "Anise of Flavigny, these are rose flavored. Don't bite down on them though, they'll break your teeth". Matthew brandished his signature smile as if to show off his perfectly unbroken teeth as an example. 

Cordelia couldn't help but smile warmly back as she popped the small candy in her mouth. The taste of roses brought her back to being a child and having her cook mix sweet rose syrup and water to make her and her brother rose water to drink in the summer. She thought it strange to find such warm childhood memories in a place she would consider so far from the inocents of childhood. 

"Matthew?"

"Hmm?", Matthew looked back down at her, he had seemed distracted and distant but it seemed her words snapped him back to reality.

"What do er do we do?", The thought occured to Cordelia that she didn't know much of what really went on in a salon and she wasn't to keen on flailing about trying to figure it out and making a fool of herself. 

Matthew threw his head back lazily and giggled, it wasn't a mocking laugh but instead it seemed to be a laugh of pure delight. 

"Oh Cordelia this is the question isn't it?", He extended his arm to her to take and she took it hesitantly. He was warm and humming with energy. "Come along now, there's loads to see and do". 

Matthew led them over to a large seated vampire who seemed to be talking to a small group of people who were nodding and commented with eachother. On the way he has snagged two dark glasses of wine and handed one to Cordelia. She took a long drink of it, grimacing slightly at the bitter taste but welcoming the warm feeling it spread throughout her. Matthew skillfully wedged their bodies into the fray of the conversation and began listening contently.

"If the mundanes keep palling around the Middle East and digging up all those tombs they're going to end up releasing some angry old spirit of curse on all those poor locals."

A silver haired nymph cut in quickly "did you know they're eating bits of mumified person now? They think it'll give them good health, I would never eat such an old human, it seems rotten and distasteful." 

"Some even think they'll be able to find the fountain of youth off the White Nile, I think they're fools the lot of them." The werewolf man added.

Cordelia was constantly ammused by the da gerous and expensive lengths mundane women would go to look young and thought back to her comment on how It'd be so much easier to just become a vampire. 

The group of guests began to laugh mirthfully and look at her. 

"Amusing observation, especially amusing coming from one so young and pretty" said the Nymph woman examining Cordelia head to toe. Cordelia flushed in embarrassment, she hadn't meant to say her comment out loud for everyone to hear. She looked up to Matthew in alarm and found him smiling warmly down at her; apparently just as ammused as the rest of the crowd. The group of guests had moved onto another discussion and Matthew guided her away clearly finding their new topic too boring for their adventurous night. He led her into a side hallway slightly quieter than the fray of the main room but with a wide view still of it's goings.

He took her arm and brought her to sit beside him on a plush loveseat against the wall. The couch was a dark nightly ocean blue with nude carved women making up the wood accents of the back. Cordelia finished off her glass and reached for another drink from a passing servers tray. She hiccuped as she took a drink from her new glass. 

She watched the juggling man now hold or rather toss 4 live lobsters around while a warlock woman standing by him collected bet money. She scanned the room for Anna but she was no where to be found. She let her eyes settle on a large looming painting on her left side. It depicted a young man made of gold surrounded by a golden castle scene. His frozen arms were held up like a ballerina as if to hug the air. At his feet fell and older man dressed in fine clothes apparently sobbing in anguish over the scene of metal. She took another sip of her drink and looked over at Matthew and found him with a far off look in his eyes. He too was looking at the painting but it seemed to touch him in a way it did not touch her. 

\--- 

Matthew had always been intrigued the story of king Midas. A man who was surrounded by beauty but was punished anytime he tried to touch the lives of the people around him. Matthew himself often felt he ruined anything he touched but instead of gold he just offered fire. He burned away good things if he got to close to them. So few people could get close to him without catching fire but no one could truly touch him. Not even James. If James knew his truths he ran the risk of losing him. His sweet Jamie was the best thing he had in his life and he would never risk losing him. 

Matthew breathed deeply. In. And out. 

And opened his eyes again. When his vision focused he found a fairie man looking at them from across the room. 

No, not them. Her 

His golden eyes were fixed on her pointadly. He had dark waist length black hair to match his dark freckles covered skin. He was wearing a black suit with golden trim to match his bright golden eyes. Matthew looked over at Cordelia but she seem singlemindably fixated on staring at the oil painting to their left. Matthew felt a warm possessiveness rise up in his heart. He knew it was nonsensical but watching this man give Cordelia such a hungry look made him bubble up with a strange sort of anger he wasn't used to. 

Matthew leaned over and wrapped an arm around Cordelia's shoulders to get the message across that she was not available. Whether the action was in Jamse's name or his one he dared not ask. It seemed to have worked cause the man slipped out of Matthew's sight and into the crowd. 

\---

Cordelia was startled out of her dazed state by Matthew curling his arm around her shoulders and pulling her toward him. She looked up at him in alarm.

"Matthew is everything alright?". He was looking forward narrow eyed but Cordelia saw nothing there when she looked. 

As soon as the look had appeared on his face it passed, like clouds in the sky the sun was out again and he was babbling light heartedly.

"Yeah everything is dandy I was just wondering if you'd want to hear a poem I was working on." He gracefully lifted his arm from her shoulder and started waving his hands around wildly as if he had intended this from the start. 

"Yes but didn't you tell me you're rubish at writing?" Cordelia deposited her empty glass on the floor beside her and sat back. 

"Yes but that never stops me from trying; maybe this time will be the one!" He jumped up and on to the foot stole infront of her looking down devilishly.

"My sweet maiden left me dry  
She torn my savings which made me cry   
She took the child and left a log   
But worst of all she took the dog" Matthew smiled confidently as if his verses were likely to win him a writing award. 

Cordelia burst out laughing, "good god! You are awful". In her fit of giggles she tipped over sideways landing on the cushion beside her. She kicked her booted feet up and onto the arm of the ornate couch. She knew if her mother could see her now she'd probably drop dead on the sight. 

Matthew leaned over and laughed down at her. Cordelia couldn't stop laughing back in his face, he looked so funny upside down, like his eyebrows made a tiny mustache for his tiny face. Cordelia reached up and covered his mouth with her hand to complete the illusion and fell into another fit of giggles. She drew her hand back and sat up dazedly. 

Matthew knelt down beside her one hand on her lower back steadying her as she sat up. He cheerful but slightly concered looked concerned. 

"Cordelia how are you feel-" but Matthew was cut off by a loud round of applause coming from the stage in the middle of the room. The flutist from earlier took to the stage along with kellington and a woman with a cello. Upon further inspection the cello seemed to be made of an ivory material with a bone neck. It was beautiful in a sickly sweet way, much like the player. Her hair was a waterfall of pale cobwebs adorned with small red spiders. The sight made Matthew's stomach churn.

As Kellington raised his violin to his chin he let his eyes grazed over the crowd. 

"Tonight we have a special musical act. The talented miss Nightwae and Miliana are joining me in playing some dancing music." People began to desert their drinks behind and search for dancing partners at the catalyst of his words. 

"They raised their bows as the dark lipped woman brought the flute to her lips. The music swelled up in a haunting melody. Not one native to a ballroom but perhaps a far away land or fairytale. 

Cordelia stood up quickly wishing to get a closer look and found her vision quickly being eaten over by black ink. She reached out as Matthew caught her around the waist steadinging her. She wasn't surprised by her slight faintness she hadn't eaten anything since breakfast and had had a hard day of training. 

She had been planning on teaching James to make stuffed grape leaves for dinner. He had expressed great interest in learning how to help her prepare meals and- 

"Let's dance", Cordelia caught at Matthew's shoulders and pulled him towards the main room. Taken be surprise Matthew stumbled at first but regained his footing and soon found himself swept up in a sea of fine fabrics and finer guests all swaying dangerously to a far away melody. 

Matthew took Cordelia's hand in his own and lightly placed his hand on her hip careful not to cross any boundaries he couldn't later take back. They twirled with the crowd. Matthew was an excellent dancer and led her expertly. He bent his head in to talk to her in a low ammused voice.

"You know for such a beautiful solo dancer you sure are poor at couples dances."

Cordelia looked up at him challengingly, "you know for such a charming boy you sure do insult ladies alot." Her words were harsh but the curl of her lips and the glint in her eyes conveyed the true joking matter of her phrase.

The song paused and changed quickly to a more dissonant and deep melody. Matthew twirled Cordelia and the room swam around her she lost her footing and ended up righting herself using his arms to keep her up. She looked up to thank him and was shocked still to find James smiling back down at her. He slid his hands down to her waist and began to away them further towards the center stage.

"James? What are you doing here?"

James leaned in closer, his lips brushing the edge of her ear as he spoke. "Is that what you see? Fascinating".

He spun her sideways a couple feet and joined her moving deftly across the dance floor, further and further from her original spot. As they floated deeper into the fray she felt the hot air settle around her, making her hair frizz on the nape of her neck with sweat. 

"What are you talking about? James, what is happening?" Cordelia felt some sort of sense trying to leak into her brain but found herself unable to grasp at it, like fog blocking out the sun. 

"You are an incredibly alluring girl. From the moment you walked in I've had my eye on you. I was right". He moved with her again, further. 

"Right about what?" She asked breathless and confused.

His golden eyes danced like the embers of a bonfire. 

"You're trapped. You love and cannot love. You live a lie fabricated around this face." 

He stopped dancing and reached down gripping her face. His fingers dug into her cheek and he pressed down so hard she could taste sparks of metal.

"Tragic. Such a beautiful face wasted away on unrequited love." He let his hand fall again and his arms came possesivly snaking around her waist. "No wonder the lucky guy is so beautiful, pretty faces were never known to show much mercy huh?" 

With that Cordelia fell. Fell into the warm darkness surrounding her. It was like falling backwards into the ocean on a warm day. The coldness took her over and the last thing she saw was the glint of golden eyes. 

\---

Matthew was now frantically pushed and weaving his way through the dance floor after Cordelia and the golden eyed man. It was him, the dark haired man from earlier.

He had finally caught up to them just in time to see Cordelia fall backwards into the man's tight grip. Her head lulled backwards her eyes shut and lips slightly parted. Matthew cried out, forgetting himself and the setting he was in. 

As he rushed towards them the man opened his arms in a grand sweeping gesture and let her fall. Matthew reached out and caught her, sinking to the floor to cushion her fall. 

"What did you you?!" Matthew was furious but holding a knife to this man's throat would hardly accomplish anything but getting Matthew kicked out. 

The air stilled around them and the room seemed to slow like bodies running through water. 

"I didn't do anything she didn't secretly want. She saw what she desired". The man gazed down at them with his chin raised. 

"Who do you see fair one?" With those words the man's skin seems to ripple and shudder away revealing a tall pale blonde boy staring down at Matthew. 

It was him. When he was 13. Wide eyed and childlike, carrying a small bottle of poison in his pocket. 

Matthew was at a loss for words. His mind was going a thousand miles a minute even though it seemed whatever enchantment was at work was pausing the sway of bodies around them. 

"Interesting, you and her both long for such heart aching things. What a pair", and with that the man stepped back into the crowd as it swelled back to normal time and swallowed him whole. He loooked around frantically but he was no where to be seen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient with me getting this chapter out. It was originally going to be longer but my notes app had a character count cap so you guys get a cliff hanger ;). Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed :-).


	3. Chapter 3

Matthew quickly swept Cordelia up into his arms and carried her into a side hallway leading into an ornately decorated retiring room.

Trying to grasp on to any control of the situation Matthew laid Cordelia out onto the nearrst loveseat and fell to his knees at her side.

He check first for a pulse; steady if not a little fast. And then he checked her temperature. She was sticky with sweat and flushed pink all over, radiating heat.

He couldn't drag her back out into the main room and drive home abandoning Anna and, subsequently causing a scene. He was on thin ice already for the last surprise Shadowhunter visit he didn't think an injured one on their hands would bode over well on anyone's side.

His mind was going a thousand miles a minute and none of the miles traveled were getting him anywhere. He cursed himself for not knowing what to do. He was usually reliable when push came to shove but here he was now.

Panicking. Helpless.

Matthew was debating going and looking for Anna when Cordelia started to stir. Startled Matthew jumped a little and pulled his hand back quickly from her forehead. However Cordelia's hand came up to grab his wrist before he could get too far.

Her glassy eyes peeled open slowly and gazed up at him through heavy lips.

"Matthew?"

"Oh thank goodness. Cordelia how are you feeling. Can you tell me where we are? How we got here?". Matthew contuned with every grounding question he could think up before noticing the far off look in her eyes.

"Cordelia can toy understand me? Cordelia." Matthew was starting to become more urgent but Cordelia just lazily shifted her gaze from the wallpaper to his face. She blinked slowly and let a lazy smile play at her lips and giggled.

Good god. She was drunk.

Matthew had spent so many hours with experienced drinkers and sturdy part goers who held their drink well he forgot what it was like for someone to be newly intoxicated. And, as he was starting to theorize, Cordelia did not hold her drink well on a good day. Especially not today where she had been keeping up if not beating Matthew to the bottle.

But that was just the thing. With her he felt almost no need to reach for the flask. To have that poisonous touch stone. He, was not as drunk as he was used to and this made him uneasy. It was not like him to be in the other person's shoes.

"You're much prettier than him". Cordelia mumbled low in her voice, letting her head sway back.

"Pardon?" Matthew said furrowing his brown

"When he change back and forth I was so delighted to see him wearing your face. I thought I would have to look at James forever."

This must've been what Cordelia saw in the shape changing man, him and James. But why?

His thoughts were inturpted by Cordelia lifting her hand to his head. She ran her fingers through his hair. Rough and callous; they were warrior hands. He had never thought of worked hands as more beautiful than in this moment.

Cordelia widened her eyes and gave Matthew an adorably serious gaze given the circumstances.

"Angel", she stated matter of factly.

Matthew chucked despite himself, "who? Me? Maybe one of the tiny mischievous cherubs painted on some clouds but no most certainly not an angel."

Cordelia was beginning to look frustrated with him now, scrunching up her nose at him.

"Your hair Matthew. Its like", another chuckle slipped in, "angel wings, golden and feathery."

Matthew was no stranger to observations about his hair. Most were either mocking remarks by the Merry Theives or a flirtatious coming on from a gentleman or lady at the bar.

But because it was her it all felt brand new.

Cordelia raised her other hand to his left cheek as her right hand came down from his hair to squeeze his cheeks in.

"It also looks very hard to maintain, like an angel. Can you imagine keeping all those feather untangled? I shudder at the thought of how many boars hair brushes I'd go through."

Matthew's face lit up and he laughed a short loud snort that was muffled and distorated dude to Cordelia still gripping his face.

"Matthew?"

"Hm?"

Cordelia relaxed her grip but didn't let her hands fall. "If I asked you to do me a favor would you do it?"

"Mhmm", he mustered out. Her string gaze was making him sweat like a soloist under a spot.

"Please kiss me Matthew. I'm so tired of being someone's second choice. I want to have one moment of my heart that is for myself and not stolen away from me by careless childish men and distant drunk fathers and whatever other battles I have to fight. For once I don't want to be a hero I just want to love and not be hurt. I'm so tired of being hurt Matthew" Her eyes were begining to fill with tears and desparation as Matthew gathered her into his arms.

He brought her down to the floor with him and rocked her back and forth while she cried. He didn't think he had ever seen her cry. Not even when her leg had been practically snapped in half after the battle with Belial.

But she cried now and Matthew would never let her feel weak for that. All true hero's cried, for the world is terrible and without tears theirs no expression of grief for what could've been.

Cordelia stopped shaking after a few minutes and stilled. Still gripping Matthew's shirt she looked up at him. All golden hair and golden skin. With the torch back lighting him one would think he really was an angel.

"Cordelia whatever you need from me to make this better. Say the world and I will bend heaven." His face searched hers frantically as he hesitantly reached up with his hand. His fingers brushing aside some stray curles that had stuck to her lips and cheeks in thr past couple minutes.

"Matthew I want to kiss you". Cordelia looked more sober than she had been moments before. Her eyes more level, like the crying rid her of the initial euphoria of being intoxicated and now all that was left was determination.

"Cordelia please-", Matthew began but was cut off

Cordelia began to draw back into herself. "Matthew if you don't wish to the we can simply pretend this never happened and blame it on the-"

Cordelia never got to finish her sentence.

Matthew gathered her up in his arms and leaned down to cover her lips with her own. Cordelia was quick to respond. She leaned in close to his chest tilting her head up to meet him.

There was a slow and luxurious passion to the method in which Matthew kissed her. He did not take liberties or assume what she wanted. His kisses were long and hot, like lava rolling down an island.

They grew impatient with this careful passion however. Cordelia reached out and cupped the back of Matthew's necks, using this leverage to pull herself further into his lap.

He sighed.

Between kisses he pulled his head back and nuzzled his lips under her jaw and kissed lightly.

"Break my heart Cordelia", he kissed her jaw line, "strike my face", he feathered a kiss on her cheek bone.

Matthew's voice cracked, "you'll wish to forget me come morning but for now let me be yours in this world we've created." The desparation in his voice was palpable.

Cordelia pulled back and looked up Matthew with her eyebrows drawn. She seemed as if she was going to make a reply but instead cried out in pain gripping her stomach.

Matthew pulled back from her as he himself was pulled back violently into the cold water memories of his mom's illness.

Cordelia stumbled to her feet and met his gaze in a panic before she crumpled forward infront of him. He rushed to catch her as she fell but only succeeded in softening her fall as she took him down to the floor as well.

\----

Anna had been having quiet the night of sideshow and talent. She had learned to juggle with one hand and mix a particularly strong cocktail from the new mixologist who had been entranced by her eyes and who Anna has thought in return had the most lovely monolid and sharp jawline.

Thought the night was getting slower and she too was starting to wish to retire to bed.

She set off quite some time ago to locate Matthew and Cordelia but was having a hell of a time wrangling them. She was now searching the east wing retiring rooms in a last ditch attempt to locate them. Even if it meant finding them in a surprising manor. Thought, Anna doubted, Matthew would ever have it in him to break Jamse's heart and confess his obvious infatuation with the girl.

Then again, love is a two way path.

What she didn't expect to find was a colapsing Cordelia and Matthew grabbing at her like a drowning man in rapids.

She watched as Cordelia's stumble three Matthew off his feet and into the ground cushioning her fall and landing him on his knees, practically crushing her in his grib.

Matthew looked like a young boy again. One who had just broke their favorite new toy and had come to terms with the fact that things break. It broke their hearts like this moment now broke Anna's.

She had no time to react before Matthew looked up at her, hair falling over his forehead in a drastically unfashionable way as his wide eyes bore into her. He looked 13 again.

He croaked out in a heart shatteringly desparate tone.

"Help me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you for your patience with me taking so long to get back on the horse. I took a one month legally blonde obsession break on accident. I've read about 418,786 words of legally blonde Fanfiction and I'm reading to get back in the grind 😤. This one's a little short but I plan on posting the next chapter soon (like actually soon) so stay tuned :-).


	4. Chapter 4

Anna cleared a path hastily through the main room of the Hell Ruelle while Matthew trailed behind her carrying a limp Cordelia in his arms. The looks they were shot ranged from concern to mirth but Anna didn't have time to dwell on that now.

She quickly climbed into the carriage barking orders to take them to the Institute as quickly as possible.

Matthew clambered into the carriage after her handing up Cordelia to Anna for support. Once inside the carriage without thinking he hastily gathered her back into his arms, holding her across his lap and propping her head up on his left shoulder.

He robotically reached up and placed his fingers under the crook of her jaw feeling her pulse. Weak but holding on. Her lovely skin was turning a sickly beige color now.

He fumbled around in his jacket pockets looking for his stele and only finding his flask.

"Damn it!", He cursed at the flask and tossed it unceremoniously to the floor.

When he looked back up he found Anna leaning forward to place an iratzi on Cordelia's arm. Matthew cursed himself for not having the foresight or responsibility to remember to take it out of his green jacket from earlier. All he remembered was the stupid flask.

"Matthew." He looked down and watched what must've been her second or third iratzi sink into Cordelia's skin like a name written in water.

Matthew cursed again, it seemed it was all he was good for. He couldn't protect her or James or his family or himself all he could do was curse and drink and pray.

Anna urgently rapped on the roof of the carriage, "We need to go faster!" She leveled her eyes with Matthew, "Cordelia is strong, stronger than the lot of us."

The carriage lurched forward picking up speed.

"And we are _not_ giving up on her now."

Matthew nodded but barely heard her over the pounding of his own heart. He leaned forward to press his face once again into her hair, taking in the scent of patchouli and lavender.

He let out a small whimper.

"God not again. Cordelia please breathe. Please forgive me. I only wanted to bring you into my world to share my love of it. You love things like I like them I know you do, I see it in your eyes when we walk together. I may be poison but I never meant for it to touch your lips."

Matthew mumbled whispers unintelligibly into her hair for a few antagonizing minutes before it seemed he himself couldn't even stand his own voice anymore and he resided to listening to her shaky breath against the hard sound of wheels on brick.

\-----------

The carriage stopped short in the courtyard of the institute. Matthew, however did not wait for this full stop to swing the doors open and start shouting for help. Luckily a servant had been in the entrance tending to the witchlights when they'd arrived. He ran out and quickly gauging the situation rushed to help Matthew transport Cordelia to the infirmary.

Hearing the rucuss Tessa came rushing down in her dressing gown followed by a hastilly clothed Will clutched a half doused witchlight.

"By the angel what is all this rucess. Anna what is happening?" Will shot a confused look at her and then a look of horror as he watched Cordelia be carried hastily away.

Anna quickly approached them.

Will looked tired, a thick layer of concern painted on his face, his wife Tessa was concerned but controlled, forever poised in the face of danger.

"Matthew Cordelia and I were out tonight when she collapsed. I suspect some kind of poison. Iratzis don't seem to work. We must call the silent brothers she's fighting now but by the angel even the fiercest warriors tire."

Tessa quickly nodded to her husband. She went after the men to the infirmary while Will went to signal the brothers.

\---------

Lucie came running like a thunderstorm down the hallway; stricken concern sunk into her face. She looked as if she had been deep in a chapter or dream, her hair a mess and a quickly drawn dressing gown tied around her. Her feet were bare but Matthew could still hear her pounding his way.

She had stopped short seeing Matthew there in the hallway and the closed door that served as a clear sign neither of them were welcome in there with the brothers. Without thinking twice she threw herself toward his grabbing him by the shoulders, her eyes barring into him.

"Daisy, my Daisy", she choked out "What's wrong, is she going to be okay". Clearly she had appeared in such a hurry no one had explained the full situation to her.

Matthew must have betrayed some of his own fear in the face of her question for she pushed him away and started head surely for the door.

"She needs me there Math! I'm her parabatai, I can make her stronger, make her better!" He quickly caught at her arm keeping her from yanking the door nob off the already locked door.

"Lucie the Silent Brothers are in there with her now you know there's nothing you can do. Everything you try to do will only get in there way." Matthew cringed at the harshness of his words and amended them quickly. "She's strong, she's going to get through this okay." Matthew sounded as sure as he could muster.

Lucie turned toward him quickly brushing off his hand like it burned her. "And exactly what is this." She said gesturing to the door. Her anger was obvious and glaring but Matthew doubted it had anything do with him specifically.

He ran his hand over his face lazily, suddenly very tired. "Anna suspects she may have been poisoned, some sort of demon sourced poison so thats why iratzis didn't seem to work." He leaned against the wall and slid down it crouching there and letting his head fall into his hands.

Lucie felt her anger towards him start to melt away. She had to admit she hadn't seen many things touch Matthew so much since he had started drinking and building stone castles between the world and his heart but this was touching him now. Cordelia had touched his heart someway like she had touched Lucie.

Lucie walked over and sat down next to him reaching up an arm to sling around his back as she leaned into his side.

"You're right Matthew, she's been through much worse than this. Plus she's my Cordelia, strong and resilient. Some poison won't be the thing to take her down." Now it was Lucie's turn to muster up assuredness.

Matthew ran his hands through his hair for the thousandth time this hour. He let out a frustrated groan and dug his head between his knees. He reached yet another time for a flask that wasn't their, forgotten on the carpet of the Lightwood carriage.

He was crouched now outside the infirmary door next to Lucie. Lucie, dear and loyal Lucie who had comforted him in time of her own distress and now was trying to convince him that none of this was his fault and that she would be alright. It all fell on to numb ears though.

He had poisoned his mother, murdered his sister and now had led yet another person he loved to the same sickness. She had trusted him, put her night in his hands and he had played the wrong move.

Checkmate. It seemed no matter what move he made he could never escape his past.

\--------

Alastair had gotten the news about Cordelia promptly after she was delivered to the Institute. Will had sent a servant to ride over and alert the family to the situation best they could. Alastair had regrettably not been sleeping that night. He had been staring blanking at what seemed like his hundredth letter. Well no not letter, almost letter. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't find the right words to right Thomas.

His desk was littered with failed attempts and hastily crinkled up wads containing apology after apology. Sometimes he let his apologies drone on further to hopes or words of endearment, but he smudged the ink quickly before his words left a mark truly. But they just left behind another failed attempt at redemption.

He felt as if he was caught in a huge game of chess and Matthew had wiped out his king. Matthew was staring down a checkmate while Alastair had done nothing more than cry.

The pounding at the door jolted him out of his trance though. He took once final look at his most recent attempt and quickly bunched it up, tossing it heavily to the floor. Looking out the window he had seen the cress of the Institute and knew then and there something way wrong. The Layla was in trouble.

He threw on a waistcoat that had been slung over the edge of his bed and quickly made his way downstairs.

He flung open the door as the servant was walking up the walkway. Before they could open their mouths to speak Alastair blurted out, "What's wrong?" He had come so fast down the stairs he was out of breath and it came out as a fast and breathy order.

The servant hesitated breifly before telling him that Cordelia had fallen ill and they suspected some kind of cultivated demon poison to be behind it.

He tore out of the house not bothering to wake up his mother. Any moment longer spent away from his sister's side may be a moment too late. She would find out in the morning one way or another. He hopped into the back of the Herondale carriage as it quickly took of towards the Institute. He bathed in the irony of a Herondale carriage and Herondale servant aiding him of all people in his time of need be he didn't let himself dwell on it long. He simply didn't have the emotional strength.

\--------

To say Matthew Fairchild was tired would be an understatement. He wished for nothing more than to thunk his head back on the wall and fall blissfully into the escape of sleep like Lucie. Lucie sat with her legs out infront of her and her head propped up against Matthew's shoulders. Matthew on the other hand was wide awake and itching to know what was going on in there. He was also itching to find out where James was. Mrs. Herondale had left moments ago to hastily fetch him from the townhouse he and Cordelia had been residing in the past couple months just a few moments earlier. She had first stopped in to check on Matthew and Lucie shooting Matthew a right and sympathetic smile and Lucie a look of pure motherly worry.

Finally given time to think about it he wondered why on Earth James had been with Grace tonight. Matthew was under the impression that James intended to stay faithful to Cordelia during their arrangement. James was nothing if not loyal and the thought of him betraying Cordelia's trust filled him with a sudden flush of anger. James was the unknowing catalyst to this whole situation yet it was Lucie and him sitting outside fretting over _his_ wife. Though the marriage itself was fake James obviously cared for Cordelia as a close friend. None of it made any sense. But then again, Matthew amended, not much James had done in a long time has made much sense.

His train of thought was interupted by heavy and swift footsteps on the carpet. Expecting it to be James's dad he simply let his head hang again. Not wanting Mr. Herondale to see all the plain emotions of anger and worry he knew were clearly plastered on his face. The hasty iratzes he'd applied earlier had done their job and now Matthew had no safe guard of inebriation to cushion the blow of everything around him.

No alcohol to shield his emotions.

The footsteps stopped abruptly infront of him in a very un-Will Herondale like manor. Matthew raised his eyes and was met by an extremely disheveled and angry Alastair Carstairs. His chest rose and fell quickly as he looked from the closed door to Lucie asleep next to Matthew to Matthew himself, dressed in evening clothes. His necktie was now untied and stuffed half heartedly in his best pocket. His shirt was untuck and his waist coat draped open revealing a wrinkled dress shirt. His hair was rumpled and flattened down and his eyes were clear as glass.

"Are they with her?", Alastair blurted out suddenly. "The brothers I mean." For being someone who seemed to have a very urgent and angry demeiner about them Alastair had no trace of blame or disgust in his voice when he spoke to Matthew. Only a thick drawl of concern.

"When they brought Layla- Cordelia in did they say how long they'd be? Did they say anything about her condition? What happened? Who was she with?" His words spilled out of him in a very not Alastair way. Matthew hesitated to meet his eyes, scared that one look from Alastair and he'd know exactly how Matthew felt for his sister.

But he did, he mustered up the bravery and met his eyes.

"She was with me and Anna. They suspect someone slipped something in one of her drinks and that it might have some sort of demonic origin and that's why runes wouldn't work for her."

Alastair looked halfway between confused and raging as he asked, "You were with her? Where were you?".

Matthew took a deep breath, fixed his eyes warily on the wall across from him and explained Cordelia's odd entrance into Anna's flat and how she had wanted them to take her to the Hell Ruelle again to lift her spirits. He of course left out the part about James being unfaithful and he and Cordelia themselves being unfaithful to James in turn.

When he finished his tale he shifted his eyes back to Alastair. For once he didn't look angry, just incredibly tired. He didn't quip back or accuse Matthew for being a careless drunk that had let his sister be hurt. Matthew had been ready, been expecting it, and now for it to not come it almost felt even more concerning.

No what Alastair did instead was walk to Matthew's side and sit himself next to him against the wall. Neither of them said anything they just stared ahead. Waiting.

Matthew saw Alastair shift slightly at his side and glanced toward the man. He saw that Alastair had began to tear up. He watched him hastily wipe them away and bury his face in his hands. For the first time Matthew didn't feel anger toward Alastair. What he felt instead was much more uncomfortable. It was a sort of pity verging on the feeling of recognizing how gray of a person Alastair truly was.

Alastair raised his head and turn it towards Matthew meeting his gaze. They both pretended like he had not seen Alastair cry and that Alastair in turn did not see how completly vulnerable Matthew was right now worrying over his sister.

"When we were little she used to go up to the case where father would keep Cortana and talk to the sword for hours." Alastair smiled, "She'd drone on about her most recent letter from Lucie or the new weapon she'd learned about in lessons. But most frequently she talked about how one day when Cortana was free and in her hands she'd be a hero like father."

Alastair hissed out a harsh breath before continuing. "My father is a drunk, Fairchild. Cordelia never knew that though. I spent my whole childhood hiding bottles and feigning that father was just ill when he was stuck in bed the morning after dragging in from a bar at 3 am. I spent my childhood making sure she had one, one where she could love her father like I never could."

"When I came to the academy there were question I couldn't answer. People asked me what was wrong with my family that we moved around so much and why my father was constantly sick and of course the unspoken but clearly intended why was I darker than the other boys, different."

He flicked his gaze from The door to wall again and continued. "I learned very quickly that the only way to keep myself from being bullied and the rumors about my family to stop was to start and stress rumors about others. To fake interest in all the devious gossip of young boys at the academy. If I could diverge attention away from my mother and Cordelia, our family maybe I could survive."

He turned his head fully to Matthew again and locked eyes with him, "I was miserable out of my mind. And then you came along and you didn't have to do anything to get them to like you or leave you alone. All you did was smile and everyone would eat it up. I was so jealous of you and Thomas and hell even Herondale."

He emphasized the last name with a flick of his wrist as he with drew himself back and continued his staring match at the wall.

"He had a charming and present father who loved him all of you do. All I wanted was to look like you. And have people love me like you. I was jealous."

"I did horrible things because of that jealousy. Jealousy makes fools of us all. Those actions haunt me every single day of my life. They're things that I am trying my best to make up for. And that's why I'm telling you this." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I'm ashamed of my father. I've done everything in my power to distance myself from him and bury his true nature under layers and layers of smiles and charm. But I am absolute rubbish with my words."

He opened his eyes and winced. 

"I'm ashamed of _myself_."

Alastair ran his hand through his hair and pulled at it anxiously. "The hundred smeared and crumpled up letters to Thomas that litter my desk and floor only seem to prove how much of a coward I still am. I don't expect immediate forgiveness from you Fairchild I simply wish for you to understand."

He turned toward Matthew.

"I was a scared and foolish child then but I am no longer that boy and I am trying my very best to be a man to be proud of. A man that would make Thomas forgive me." He seemed to choke a but in his words towards the end but he covered it up by suddenly clearing his voice. Matthew thought it odd that he and James were Herondale and Fairchild and yet Thomas to Alastair was just Thomas. 

He looked tired but most of all he looked like a man deprived of joy. Like someone had knocked the bite out of him completly.

Matthew was at a complete loss for words. He let his mouth open and close multiple times trying to come up with the proper thing to say in this situation but failed.

Luckily Matthew was saved from his reply by the infirmary door swinging open and brother Enoch stepping out.

Alastair shot up from the ground and let his face be taken over by pure worry as he waited to here was Brother Enoch had to say. The only thing that kept Matthew too from shooting up was the still very sleeping Lucie on his shoulder whom he didn't wish to disturb at the moment no matter how famous of a heavy sleeper she was.

_She is doing much better. We were able to extract the poison with little long term damage. She is very lucky, any longer and perhaps we would not have been so successful._

Matthew paled and thanked the angel silently that Anna had been such a pill to the carriage driver.

 _But she is tired. She asked for you however_. He turned his robed head toward Alastair and nodded. _She is ready for you when you are available._

With that Brother Enoch walked silently down the hallway as another brother silently slipped through the door and followed him.

Without another word Alastair entered the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

Matthew was left reeling in the hallway. Had that really just happened? He felt as if he hallucinated the whole encounter and if not for the distinct lack of alcohol in his body he'd blame it on being pissed out of his mind.

But no, Alastair had beared his soul to Matthew, trusting him with extremely private information and for what? Forgiveness? He couldn't understand it. How this man's truth seemed to save him when Matthew's truth would only damn him further. They all had albatrosses and perhaps he thought, speaking on his would free his neck of the bird's heavy pull like it had seemed to do to Alastair.

And it did Matthew realized. Alastair sharing his mariner tale had helped Matthew realize this bit who was the catalyst for his damnation was not a malicious devil but complicated and sad. He was far from forgiving the situation as a whole but understanding Alastairs perspective had atleast laid the groundwork.

Perhaps everything was a little less black and white than Matthew had allowed himself to believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think Lucie is so tired and such a heavy sleeper she really does just conk out on Matthew's shoulder in exhaustion. I know this chapter was alot of Alastair repeating what we already know about him I wanted Matthew to hear it for himself.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything outside of school in like 6 years and I haven't written a fanfiction since I was like 12 or 13 so forgive me for being a bit naive to the writing side of this website. I hope you enjoy :-). More to come soon.


End file.
